A Freeing Decision... and Some Changes

I created this blog with the intention of using it to chronicle my efforts at starting a business this year. I've read books, written plans, and am currently taking an amazing Business e-Course through which I've learned SO much and met so many amazing women with beautiful businesses and ideas.

But the most recent lesson I've learned was the most surprising. It was also the most freeing.

Lesson Learned

I learned that I don't want to run a business right now.

"What's that?" you say? You read that right. I don't want to run a business right now.

It came to me last night as I was talking to my mom about how I needed to be working on my website and about how I should be putting together a marketing plan. That little clever voice in my soul asked me why I wasn't more excited about doing these things; why they felt like chores. And the answer, when I stopped and sat still and listened?

Because it isn't the right time right now, dear heart.

That's right. I do still dream of making a living helping others while being my own boss. But that time isn't now.

Staying True

Like many women, I tend to stress. And lately I've been stressing about money. After Little Man's birth, I took the maximum maternity leave allowed by my employer and then I took the maximum part-time transition period allowed by my employer. I cherished this time with Little Man, but it was taxing on our finances and savings account. Which led me stress about needing to make more money.

Enter the business plan. And here's the interesting thing. That created a vicious cycle. I was stressed about money so I decided I needed to make more money by starting up my business. But then I was stressing about needing to work on my business after a long day of work and caring for my children and family. To get rid of my stress I was creating a different kind of stress.

Realizing that cycle was a revelation. And choosing to say "not right now" to my business? That was the lightest I've felt in ages.

Freedom!

Here's the truth of the matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'll never get back. Little Girl starts kindergarten this fall. Little Man just turned seven months old and is doing new things almost every day. These are days that will never come again. And I want to be able to truly savor them. I want to be happy and engaged and fully present in these amazing moments.

The Lord has richly blessed me in the ways that truly matter. Sure, I'll still be stressed about money for the time being. But it's all about perspective. Yes, I have more debt than I'd like, but we can still pay our mortgage and bills and put food on the table. We are richly blessed. My business idea will still be there when I'm ready to work on it and have it be fun and fulfilling rather than another source of stress.

What's Next Here?

I'm still going to blog here. This decision-making process has reminded me that I'm still more Type A than I would like - a bit too much of a control freak and a bit too much of a stress bunny. Life should be a celebration of joy and the blessings we receive. I lose focus on that more often than I should.

I'm still pursuing that brass ring, but what that ring is has changed. Now it's a life of joy and gratitude. And that's what I'll be blogging about now. I'll be sharing the things that make me happy, positive and uplifting stories, and my efforts at letting go and finding my more carefree soul. I hope you'll stick around for the ride!