A Freeing Decision... and Some Changes

I created this blog with the intention of using it to chronicle my efforts at starting a business this year. I've read books, written plans, and am currently taking an amazing Business e-Course through which I've learned SO much and met so many amazing women with beautiful businesses and ideas.

But the most recent lesson I've learned was the most surprising. It was also the most freeing.

Lesson Learned

I learned that I don't want to run a business right now.

"What's that?" you say? You read that right. I don't want to run a business right now.

It came to me last night as I was talking to my mom about how I needed to be working on my website and about how I should be putting together a marketing plan. That little clever voice in my soul asked me why I wasn't more excited about doing these things; why they felt like chores. And the answer, when I stopped and sat still and listened?

Because it isn't the right time right now, dear heart.

That's right. I do still dream of making a living helping others while being my own boss. But that time isn't now.

Staying True

Like many women, I tend to stress. And lately I've been stressing about money. After Little Man's birth, I took the maximum maternity leave allowed by my employer and then I took the maximum part-time transition period allowed by my employer. I cherished this time with Little Man, but it was taxing on our finances and savings account. Which led me stress about needing to make more money.

Enter the business plan. And here's the interesting thing. That created a vicious cycle. I was stressed about money so I decided I needed to make more money by starting up my business. But then I was stressing about needing to work on my business after a long day of work and caring for my children and family. To get rid of my stress I was creating a different kind of stress.

Realizing that cycle was a revelation. And choosing to say "not right now" to my business? That was the lightest I've felt in ages.

Freedom!

Here's the truth of the matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'll never get back. Little Girl starts kindergarten this fall. Little Man just turned seven months old and is doing new things almost every day. These are days that will never come again. And I want to be able to truly savor them. I want to be happy and engaged and fully present in these amazing moments.

The Lord has richly blessed me in the ways that truly matter. Sure, I'll still be stressed about money for the time being. But it's all about perspective. Yes, I have more debt than I'd like, but we can still pay our mortgage and bills and put food on the table. We are richly blessed. My business idea will still be there when I'm ready to work on it and have it be fun and fulfilling rather than another source of stress.

What's Next Here?

I'm still going to blog here. This decision-making process has reminded me that I'm still more Type A than I would like - a bit too much of a control freak and a bit too much of a stress bunny. Life should be a celebration of joy and the blessings we receive. I lose focus on that more often than I should.

I'm still pursuing that brass ring, but what that ring is has changed. Now it's a life of joy and gratitude. And that's what I'll be blogging about now. I'll be sharing the things that make me happy, positive and uplifting stories, and my efforts at letting go and finding my more carefree soul. I hope you'll stick around for the ride!

I sure needed this today... do you?

I love when the universe reminds me there's something bigger and better and greater out there watching over me.

You see, today got off to a really rough start. Like, really rough. Like the kind where I got to work, closed my blinds and my office door and just cried for five minutes. I was feeling unhappy, unappreciated, and disengaged. In a nutshell, I was feeling very negatively about myself.

Then I checked my Reader feed and saw this waiting for me:

It was from a blog post by Goddess Leonie, who I've recently discovered and who has been helping me keep myself focused on the positive and all the wonderful gifts I have to offer to my family, friends, co-workers and the world.

I was most definitely feeling NOT AT ALL awesome this morning. But I'm feeling slightly more awesome now - all it took was the universe reminding me, via the Goddess community.

The blog post challenged me to list all the ways that I'm awesome. I only have time right now to list a few, but it's done wonders for my mood already. Here are some of the ways that I am awesome:

1. I always try my very hardest to be a kind, loving, and supportive momma, wife, daughter, and friend.
2. I love cooking for my family - the joy of pulling together separate ingredients into a delicious meal that nurtures my family.
3. I try every day to make sure I'm a better person today than I was yesterday.

I am awesome, even when I don't feel like I am. And you are awesome, too. WE ARE AWESOME. We just need reminding sometimes.

It's your turn now - list some of the ways that you are awesome. I promise your day will look brighter and your soul will feel lighter.

Make today a great day!

Memories Are Made of This

It's Opening Day for major league baseball today. For the first time in many years, Hubby and I did not go to the Indians' Opening Day together. 


A sunny day for the return of baseball in Cleveland

 While I was disappointed not to share this day with my husband, I relinquished our tradition in order to make way for a new, and probably better, tradition. For today, Little Girl attended her first Opening Day.

We told her on Sunday that Daddy was going to share one of his favorite days of the year with her, and every day since then she'd been asking, "Is today Opening Day?" Her enthusiasm and excitement for this new experience reminded me of the joy that can - and should - be found in the everyday.

Each day this week, Little Girl's anticipation grew. Hubby and I were both eager to see her reaction when we reminded her this morning that today was finally the Big Day. Her grin could have lit Manhattan - she danced around her room chanting her excitement and then began digging excitedly in her dresser for her Shin Soo Choo t-shirt.
 As I completed my tasks at work this afternoon my thoughts often jumped a few miles west to downtown and Progressive Field. I wondered how Little Girl and Hubby were faring on their Daddy-Daughter Date. I wished I could see her face as she drank in the colors, sounds, and pageantry that are always part of this day at the ballpark. As I drove home from work I eagerly awaited hearing my daughter's impressions of the day. I cherished the moments as she told me all about what she saw and what she ate and then showed me the pink mini bat Daddy bought her as a souvenir.

Family traditions are important. We work to honor the traditions that have been passed down to us, but I believe firmly that the development of new traditions is also important. While the specific details of this day will likely fade as Little Girl grows older and attends more Opening Days, I have a strong suspicion that she will always remember her excitement at being asked to share one of her Daddy's "most favorite days" with him.

Were you at Opening Day today? What new family traditions will you start this year?

Gratitude Every Day

I recently started a new family tradition that I'm hoping will keep us all focused on the positive in a life that can get very hectic and stressful. Every night, at dinner, we each share one thing that we're grateful for that day.

I have a very annoying habit of letting the stresses of work, managing a family, and trying to start a business get to me and affect my mood. This isn't fair to me or to my family so I've been working hard to keep myself focused on habits and thoughts that are motivating and uplifting. This is one way to do that while, hopefully, also teaching Little Girl about the importance of being humble and grateful about the blessings in our lives.

I think my Little Girl might be teaching me a few things, though. Last night, Hot Hubby was grateful for the beautiful weather we've been having and I was grateful that Little Girl is feeling better (she's getting over an ear infection).

What was Little Girl grateful for? She was grateful for God. Why? Because, she so wisely pointed out, without God she wouldn't be able to be grateful for the sunshine, the animals, her My Little Ponies, her baby brother, or any of the other things she loves because they wouldn't exist.

Yep, I've got a pretty clever girl on my hands?

As the seasons change and many of us prepare to celebrate the Easter holiday, what are you grateful for?

Spring in February?

Just popping in quickly (Little Man is due to wake up from his nap at any moment) to share the beautiful sunshine that is pouring down on us today.

The tree in our front garden is starting to bud already! On February 1! That's just wild.

I hope that all of you are having a fantabulous Wednesday and that you are able to get out and soak up some of this fabulous Vitamin D. Lord knows we don't usually see the sun this much this time of year.

What's your favorite thing to do on nice winter days?