A Freeing Decision... and Some Changes

I created this blog with the intention of using it to chronicle my efforts at starting a business this year. I've read books, written plans, and am currently taking an amazing Business e-Course through which I've learned SO much and met so many amazing women with beautiful businesses and ideas.

But the most recent lesson I've learned was the most surprising. It was also the most freeing.

Lesson Learned

I learned that I don't want to run a business right now.

"What's that?" you say? You read that right. I don't want to run a business right now.

It came to me last night as I was talking to my mom about how I needed to be working on my website and about how I should be putting together a marketing plan. That little clever voice in my soul asked me why I wasn't more excited about doing these things; why they felt like chores. And the answer, when I stopped and sat still and listened?

Because it isn't the right time right now, dear heart.

That's right. I do still dream of making a living helping others while being my own boss. But that time isn't now.

Staying True

Like many women, I tend to stress. And lately I've been stressing about money. After Little Man's birth, I took the maximum maternity leave allowed by my employer and then I took the maximum part-time transition period allowed by my employer. I cherished this time with Little Man, but it was taxing on our finances and savings account. Which led me stress about needing to make more money.

Enter the business plan. And here's the interesting thing. That created a vicious cycle. I was stressed about money so I decided I needed to make more money by starting up my business. But then I was stressing about needing to work on my business after a long day of work and caring for my children and family. To get rid of my stress I was creating a different kind of stress.

Realizing that cycle was a revelation. And choosing to say "not right now" to my business? That was the lightest I've felt in ages.

Freedom!

Here's the truth of the matter. I'm at a point in my life that I'll never get back. Little Girl starts kindergarten this fall. Little Man just turned seven months old and is doing new things almost every day. These are days that will never come again. And I want to be able to truly savor them. I want to be happy and engaged and fully present in these amazing moments.

The Lord has richly blessed me in the ways that truly matter. Sure, I'll still be stressed about money for the time being. But it's all about perspective. Yes, I have more debt than I'd like, but we can still pay our mortgage and bills and put food on the table. We are richly blessed. My business idea will still be there when I'm ready to work on it and have it be fun and fulfilling rather than another source of stress.

What's Next Here?

I'm still going to blog here. This decision-making process has reminded me that I'm still more Type A than I would like - a bit too much of a control freak and a bit too much of a stress bunny. Life should be a celebration of joy and the blessings we receive. I lose focus on that more often than I should.

I'm still pursuing that brass ring, but what that ring is has changed. Now it's a life of joy and gratitude. And that's what I'll be blogging about now. I'll be sharing the things that make me happy, positive and uplifting stories, and my efforts at letting go and finding my more carefree soul. I hope you'll stick around for the ride!

Have You Filled Your Bucket Today?

Out of the blue at dinner tonight, Little Girl declared that my mother and I needed to smile at each other so we could be "bucket fillers" instead of "bucket dippers".

"What do you mean, sweetie?" I asked her.


Photo source

In the manner of 5-year-olds, her explanation was lengthy and a bit scattered, but the gist of it was that we need to do things for ourselves and for each other that "fill our bucket" and we need to make sure that we aren't stealing from other people's buckets by being mean to them, otherwise known as being a "bucket dipper". It seems there is a book at her school about this very thing that she read the other day. Clearly, it made an impact.

And she made an impact on me tonight. Her talk of bucket fillers and dippers reminded me of what got me excited about the idea of running my own business in the first place. I enjoy my full-time job and I'm good at it, but it doesn't fill my bucket. What percentage of my bucket is filled by my job all to often is countered by the "dips" from my bucket that happen when my job leaves me too little time or energy for my super-charged (and favorite) bucket filler: my family.

While Little Girl was reading her Bucket Book, I've been reading a book of my own about making the most out of the eight hours a day that we're not at work or sleeping. (And, yes, I do recognize the irony of spending those eight hours reading a book about how to maximize those eight hours.)

I want to use those other eight hours to make my bucket overflow. I want to receive the spiritual uplift I get from using my talents to help fill the buckets of those around me. THIS is what has kept me in the constant refrain of "I want my own business" for the past three or four years. I have talents and gifts to share and I've learned over time that my bucket runneth over when I help others' buckets runneth over.

When I have those moments of self-doubt, those moments of fear - fear of failure, fear of success - this is what I shall return to. My business dreams, and the people I'll help when those dreams are realized, are what will fill my bucket.

What fills your bucket?

Big wild scary wonderful dreams

For too long I've let my job title define me. "I can't run a crafting or freelance business or write a children's book because I'm a career counselor, not an author or an entrepreneur." Why can't I be all those things? With only one shot at this life, why shouldn't I pursue everything that interests and excites me? 

That question is what sparked me to start this blog in the first place; this was to be my "home base" for starting my entrepreneurial dreams and sharing all the fears, challenges, and (hopefully) successes that go with it. Instead I've used it as my home base to talk about everything but that. And that's okay. I've been writing about things that excite me and that I love and want to share.

What hasn't been okay is that I've also been writing about those things as an excuse not to take that terrifying first leap into the business of my dreams. No longer. This post is my announcement to the world that I will shortly be making my business dreams a reality.

I'm tossing out the beliefs that I have to have it all figured out before "going public". Instead, I'm going to learn on the job, just like I have when I've been working for someone else.

I'm tossing out the beliefs that I have to be recognized as an expert by somebody else before anybody will want to hire me. Instead, I have faith and confidence in my talents and abilities. I know my strengths and I know where I have lots more to learn.

I have gifts to share and a desire to help others and a dream of making a better life for myself, my family, and those I work with. 

So, while I will still continue to blog about Northeast Ohio, suggestions for family fun, and other things of interest to me, you'll also start to see more about my efforts to make my business dreams a reality! It's going to be an exciting ride and I can't wait to share it all with all of you!


(P.S. If you're curious about what has helped me muster the conviction to stop procrastinating and just get myself out there already, I encourage you to check out Leonie Dawson and wonderful circles of women she has helped to form over at the Goddess Guidebook Circle. I'm only one week into her Business Goddess e-Course, but it has already helped me to see that my ideas aren't crazy and to let go of that feeling that everything has to be perfect before I can send it out into the world.)